Girls pledge abstinence

By RENEE FITE
Press special writer

TAHLEQUAH DAILY PRESS May 08, 2008 12:55 pm

— "You are worth it!" was the message delivered at the 2008 Abstinence Tea, where more than 200 girls were challenged to choose sexual purity until they are married.
An intensely motivational Gwendolyn Poteat shared her personal story of being a teen mom, her struggles and her successes, during the two separate teas, held Wednesday at the Cherokee County Community Building.
Sixth- through eighth-grade girls were treated to entertainment, snacks, colorfully decorated tables, gifts -- and a dose of reality.
More than 70 teens are pregnant in Tahlequah today, not including those who attend rural schools.
"We have an epidemic of unplanned pregnancy with girls as young as eighth grade," said Elizabeth Moon, event coordinator.
Sandra Dearborn, with Help-In-Crisis, quoted statistics given by Tahlequah Superintendent Paul Hurst at a recent meeting.
"There are 72 known pregnancies," Dearborn said. "Who knows how many more didn't know they were pregnant that day or have had abortions? I just want to not see 13-year-olds at the Pregnancy Center."
Statistics show girls who make the pledge to delay sexual activity until marriage are more likely to keep that commitment, Moon said.
Experts are beginning to realize that a combination of abstinence education for girls, and knowledge about protecting themselves physically and emotionally, generously mixed with character-building and self-confidence-boosting programs, are the most effective.
"Today's event offers a positive and hopeful choice for the girls for their future," Dearborn said. "The hurtful past can be changed by wise choices."
Poteat, a pregnancy prevention spokeswoman, told the group that when she realized she was pregnant at 17 and the baby's father took off, she recognized her life was a mess -- and it would be a mess for her baby because of bad decisions. She got an education and began making decisions outside of her fears.
"I let go of the anger, fear and bitterness and learned I had a choice to not lash out in anger," Poteat said. "I began meeting people who really cared and wanted to help me. And didn't have an agenda or want something from me. I learned I had control over the decisions I make. I realized I could be a victim or a victor."
Poteat married, and her husband was in the military. She's traveled the world, seeing and learning a lot.
"Bad things happen to us and sometimes you make bad decisions," she said, "but wherever you are today, you can make a choice, be a part of our victor team."
She also used her daughter as an example.
"Nicky graduated from college and now works in marketing for The Sands in Atlantic City," Poteat said. "One day a boy named C.J. called my husband. My daughter had told him she made a promise to never date anyone her dad didn't approve of."
He called several times, she said.
"He made a promise to my husband he would never do anything that would dishonor our daughter," she said. "Nicky was 28 when she and C.J. married. She didn't just kiss around and play around. She didn't even see her husband's apartment until after the honeymoon."
Now married 32 years, Poteat said, "No one is teaching us what a healthy marriage and a healthy family looks like."
She called nine girls on-stage to assist by holding signs representing nine steps of intimacy. The first one was eye-to-body.
"You know how some boys look at you," she said, "whether they respect you or not."
The second card was eye-to-eye.
"Eye contact is the beginning of trust," she said. "When you let someone look into your eyes, they can see who you are."
Voice-to-voice was the third card, the beginning of communication.
"Parents need to ask wise questions. Not just what did you do today, but what did the speaker say," she said. "How did that make you feel?"
The fourth card, hand-to-hand, brought surprise responses from the audience.
"How many of you hold hands with a boy?"
About 40 girls raised their hands.
"Guys tell me the message they think when holding your hand is that this is my girl, she belongs to me, I own her," Poteat said. "How many of you want to be owned by a guy?"
Heads shook side to side around the room, and dozens of girls murmured, "no!"
"How many of you date?" she asked.
About half of the girls raised their hands.
Arm-to-waist involves a personal part of your body, she said.
"No one besides Mr. Poteat needs to be touching me there," she said.
Face-to-face is kissing. She asked the girls what they knew about guys they were kissing.
"Is the guy trustworthy, does he honor his mom?" she said.
When she meets a guy, she said she "looks at his shoes."
"Are they clean, polished, tied? Then I look at his fingernails. Are they clean? I'm wondering, how well does he take care of himself?"
Hand-to-head is in close intimate personal space. Hand-to-body is step nine, and the most intimate.
"Some girls skip from step one to step nine without knowing anything about the guy she's just had sex with," Poteat said. "They don't realize we've been given a special gift, emotional and physical love."
A guy should feel honored to be a part of your life, she said.
"You should value your love and value your sexuality. And keep it for your marriage bed."
She said she's kissed only her husband for 32 years: "His kisses are my kisses. He doesn't give them to anyone else."
Poteat received a huge applause from the audience.
Brooke Burkart said she plans to wait to have sex until she's married.
"You could get pregnant and that's not good. I wouldn't want a baby now," Brooke said. "I can't even take care of my 9- and 6-year old sisters."
Leekelli Kennedy, from Keys, said she learned boys just try to hold your hand to think they own you: "I'm my own person."
Katie Fuson, from Tenkiller, learned it's important to wait until marriage to have sex.
"I could get pregnant, and that would be bad, or diseases," Fuson said.
Ariel Victory, from Briggs, said it's important to wait for marriage before having sex.
"You can save yourself for your husband and that will make your relationship stronger," Victory said.
Megan Adams, from Grand View, learned the importance of not having sex young.
"I'm worth it!" Adams said. "I want to make good choices."
Donna Jones, with Abundant Life Fellowship Church, was one of the volunteers to host a table.
"This was very educational," Jones said. "The girls learned tools for relationships that will be good for them to know. And that with commitment they're more likely to follow through with their pledge."

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