Sun, Nov 22 2009
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Parents with tweens: Be vigilant By TEDDYE SNELL“We have expectations that our children understand, and they respect, most of the time,” he said.
Renee Fite is a veteran of the teen wars. She’s the mother of five children: Three sons and two daughters, ranging in age from 31 to 8. “My husband, John, gets credit for much of their sweetness and not growing up too fast, because he’s usually the calm and quiet one who babies them,” said Fite. Fite believes one of the keys to their parenting success – besides prayer – lies in communication. “We really listen to them, and take time to be with them and respect them,” said Fite. “It’s all about eye contact, conversation and discussion.” The Fites also put choices out for their children for them to consider, along with reaping the consequences of those decisions. Renee places a lot of stock in independence when it comes to raising children. “They didn’t hear ‘no’ a lot, so they didn’t have much to rebel about,” she said. “Independence is an attitude, not an activity. It comes with confidence from making smaller decisions when very young, like what to wear or what movie to watch. We did this from the time they could understand and nod their heads. Always making decisions for them doesn’t give them a chance to learn to trust themselves or hone their decision-making skills.” Fite believes kids seem to grow up faster today because many parents don’t want to take the time to nurture them, or are exhausted from coping with life and have so little time or energy for their children. She doesn’t necessarily believe images on TV reflect society as a whole. “Although television, movies and magazines reflect society, I wonder whose?” she asked. “Stores are selling clothes for young girls that make them look like hoochie-mamas, which we can choose not to put on our children. The real problem, it seems to me, is how many parents enable their children, or how many adults set the wrong example by having affairs, addictions and intolerant attitudes. Most kids are going to do what we do, not what we say.” 
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