Tahlequah Daily Press

Local News

February 14, 2013

Love before first sight

TAHLEQUAH — Electronic communication is pervasive these days, even when it comes to romance.

Tahlequah residents Cathy and Dan Cott have been married over 16 years, and met - or rather, chatted - for the first time online.

“We met in a chat room online for people in Oklahoma,” said Cathy. “He was in the U.S. Air Force, stationed in Enid at Vance AFB, and I lived in Norman and worked at The University of Oklahoma.”

Cathy and Dan emailed and talked on the phone for a month before they actually met face-to-face.

“I guess it was kind of love at first sight, because after our actual first date, I told my best friend, ‘I’m going to marry this man. He different than anyone I’ve ever known,” said Cathy.

Dan said technology wasn’t nearly as advanced back then.

“We hit it off immediately [online] and filled a profound void in each other,” said Dan. “But we didn’t trade photos before we met. This was in the time of text-only [online chatting] on a bulletin board system. So, to a degree, it was certainly love before first sight.”

The Cotts talked to the Press separately, but the similarity of the answers to questions gives evidence as to why their marriage is a success. They agree intelligence was a key attraction factor in their relationship.

“He is smart,” said Cathy. “That intelligence translates into great conversations, a hilarious sense of humor, a person who is interested in all kinds of subjects and activities, and he just makes me laugh and feel happy.”

Dan was drawn to Cathy’s intelligence, humor and independent streak.

“What attracted me to Cathy are the things I still love about her: her intelligence, her humor and her independence,” said Dan. “After nearly 17 years, we can still go out for a meal together and have more to talk about than time allows.”

Cathy attributes their marital success to teamwork. Dan agrees, but also pointed out they maintain individual interests.

“I have always maintained that every day we are with each other is because we choose to be, not because we need to be,” said Dan.

Cathy appreciates Dan’s compassion and fairness.

“I feel Dan’s greatest strength is his ability to see both sides of most situations and play devil’s advocate,” said Cathy. “It makes him a compassionate person when many people might not be. His weakness might be some of the same thing.”

Dan believes Cathy’s greatest strength is her capability as a great wife, mother and individual.

“I guess her greatest weakness would be an unexplainable affinity for chicken casserole,” said Dan.

Cathy related an interesting incident about name changes when the couple first married.

“My [last name] was Scott before I married Dan, and his, of course, is Cott,” said Cathy. “We thought that our names only being one letter apart was so funny. Well, our two oldest kids from my first marriage are Scotts. When I would fill out forms and put both names on them, the helpful people at the schools would always try to correct my spelling. I have to put a note on all their forms telling people that it’s not an error, that our names are Scott and Cott and to please not change anything.”

The Cotts advise couples considering marriage to share life, but also make time for individual activities, to overlook small differences of opinion, and to apologize when you’re wrong.

“You won’t always agree on everything and you shouldn’t,” said Cathy. “Admit when you’ve done something you’re sorry for, apologize and move on; don’t keep score, don’t hold grudges. Every time you part from your loved ones, not just spouses, tell them you love them.”

Her special Valentine’s Day message to Dan is more of a thank-you note.

“Thank you for not running away screaming when we met after you found out I was older, divorced, had a teenage son and a pre-pubescent daughter,” said Cathy. “Thank you for giving me our bonus baby, who is so much like the both of us that we knew it before she was even born. I don’t think anyone else could be married to either one of us; we’re a matched set.”

Dan’s message to Cathy was similar.

“I cannot think of any better way to spend my time on Earth than with you,” he said. “Thank you for being my partner in everything.”

Like the Cotts, Olga and Richard Hoenes met online – also in a forum with no photo capability. The Hoeneses have been married for 12 years.

“We met on he MOO in the early 1990s,” said Olga. “Don’t ask me what the letters stand for. Rich may know. It’s a social network. It’s like Facebook without the pictures.”

Richard said a MOO is similar to a massively multiplayer online role-playing game – MMORPG – only for social interaction, instead of fighting.

“We actually met very briefly once before on another site, where I was warned to stay away from her because she was a crazy troublemaker,” said Richard. “When we met up later, I didn’t realize it was the same person about whom I was warned.”

Richard was attracted to Olga’s humor, her outgoing personality. Olga was intrigued by Richard’s online posts.

“I was attracted to his reaction or answers to things people talked about,” said Olga. “He was rather sweet and innocent. I know better now, ha! He’s evil.”

Olga and Richard attribute their marital success to separations in their togetherness.

“I stay out of his business and he stays out of mine,” said Olga. “We have separate ‘stuff,’ like bank accounts, etc.”

Richard agreed.

“We don’t feel the need to do everything together or to force our interests or points of view on each other,” he said. “We don’t try to change each other.”

Olga appreciates Richard’s wealth of knowledge.

“His strengths are his faith and knowledge of many things. Some are useless facts, and he knows lots of useful stuff,” she said. “He’s a master of keeping things to himself when, unlike me, he could tell someone off for their ignorance on certain topics. His weakness? Amazon.”

Richard admires Olga’s resiliency.

“She’s been through a lot, but always comes up swinging, and without losing her generous heart and spirit,” he said.

“Her weakness would be that her self-image isn’t always the best. She tends to sell herself short.”

Olga advises couples considering marriage to wait.

 

To see the complete version of this article, subscribe to the Daily Press e-edition by following the link below.

Click here to get the entire Tahlequah Daily Press delivered every day to your home or office.

Click here to get a free trial or to subscribe to the Tahlequah Daily Press electronic edition. It's the ENTIRE newspaper (without the paper) for your computer, iPad or e-reader.

1
Text Only
Local News
  • ths-jazz-2.jpg THS jazz band gets up early to hone performance skills

    It means getting up an hour earlier, and it doesn’t count as a class, but the jazz band at Tahlequah High School enjoys the dedication of a group of enthusiastic students.
    The THS Jazz Band practices every day at 7 a.m., an hour before the start of classes. It numbers 17, and is led by Director Orien Landis.
    “They have to do this before school and they get no class credit, but we have a full band,” Landis said. “They are really excited about this.”

    April 18, 2014 2 Photos

  • Easter-basket-kid.jpg Easter traditions date back centuries

    Some Christians may lament a partial shift of focus, but a Christian holy day - perhaps the most holy of all – is this Sunday, and it will be marked with celebrations all around the world.
    The Christian holiday of Easter celebrates the resurrection of Jesus. For centuries, the observant have fasted, reflected or done penance in the weeks leading to the holiday. But today, many also associate the holiday with the Easter bunny, candy, and kites. In 2013, Americans spent $2.1 billion on Easter candy.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Some oppose minimum wage hike; others decry strong-arming by state

    President Barack Obama and the U.S. Senate recently announced a push to raise the federal minimum wage from $7.25 per hour, to $10.10. On the heels of the announcement, an initiative petition was introduced in Oklahoma City to raise the minimum wage to the suggested $10.10. If it gained 80,000 signatures, it would be put to a vote of the people.
    This legislative session, a bill passed prohibiting municipalities from setting a minimum was or vacation and sick-day requirements. Gov. Mary Fallin signed the bill into law earlier this week.

    April 18, 2014

  • Phone scam takes $500 from couple

    Authorities are warning Cherokee County residents to watch for a costly phone scam that recently targeted a local couple and ended in their loss of $500.
    According to sheriff’s deputies, a couple contacted authorities after losing $500 to the scam. The couple received a phone call from a man who identified himself only as “Mr. Green.” He told the couple they had won $1.5 million through Publisher’s Clearing House, but to collect the money, the couple would have to purchase a $500 money card to cover various fees.

    April 18, 2014

  • Missing local teen found dead

    The body of a missing 17-year-old boy was found in southern Cherokee County on Thursday, sheriff’s investigators said.
    Brikk Pritchett was reported missing earlier this month after disappearing on March 30, a day before his 17th birthday.

    April 18, 2014

  • ts honor flight 1.tif Flight of honor

    World War II veteran Charles Harra flew missions for the Army Air Corps, and if you ask him which flight was his most memorable, he’ll say it was his 35th mission.

    April 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Man charged after leading authorities on wild chase

    Prosecutors have formally charged a man who allegedly led authorities on a wild high-speed pursuit across Cherokee County in late March.

    April 17, 2014

  • Sex offender bonds out after failing to register

    A Cherokee County man is out on bond after being arrested last week for failing to register as a sex offender.

    April 17, 2014

  • jn radiator shop.jpg ‘Greenbelt’ progressing

    Crews this week began to demolish an abandoned radiator shop at the corner of South Street and Guinn Avenue.

    April 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • ts slut walk.tif SlutWalk shines spotlight on crime

    “Two, four, six, eight, stop the violence, stop the rape; slut, slut, ho, ho, yes means yes and no means no!”
    This was the battle cry across the campus of Northeastern State University, as the student branch of the American Association of University Women held its third annual SlutWalk Wednesday.

    April 17, 2014 1 Photo

Poll

What to you think of a state Legislature proposal to forbid cities from raising the minimum wage? Choose the closest to your opinion.

The federal government should set the minimum wage across the board.
States should be allowed to raise their minimum wages, but not cities.
Both states and cities should be allowed to raise their minimum wages.
Cities should be allowed to raise their mimum wages, but not states.
There should be no minimum wage at all.
Undecided.
     View Results
Tahlequah Daily Press Twitter
Follow us on twitter
AP Video
Raw: More Than 100,000 Gather for Easter Sunday Raw: Greeks Celebrate Easter With "Rocket War" Police Question Captain, Crew on Ferry Disaster Raw: Orthodox Christians Observe Easter Rite Ceremony Marks 19th Anniversary of OKC Bombing Raw: Four French Journalists Freed From Syria Raw: Massive 7.2 Earthquake Rocks Mexico Captain of Sunken SKorean Ferry Arrested Raw: Fire Destroys 3 N.J. Beachfront Homes Raw: Pope Presides Over Good Friday Mass Raw: Space X Launches to Space Station Superheroes Descend on Capitol Mall Man Charged in Kansas City Highway Shootings Obama Awards Navy Football Trophy Anti-semitic Leaflets Posted in Eastern Ukraine Raw: Magnitude-7.2 Earthquake Shakes Mexico City Ceremony at MIT Remembers One of Boston's Finest Raw: Students Hurt in Colo. School Bus Crash Deadly Avalanche Sweeps Slopes of Mount Everest
Stocks