I hate social media challenges and threats that goad you into reposting - especially the ones that say if you love Jesus, you'll comply. Don't these keyboard warriors realize Jesus doesn't give a fig about social media? Even if he did, he would stare balefully at the tree from whence the fig came, and cause it to wilt.
I've noticed folks who pass around this junk are playing upon our sympathies: "I'll bet no one will repost this photo of the brave soldier who lost his leg in combat to protect our freedoms." But sometimes, even I fall prey, if I think my answers will make people laugh. God knows we all need a good laugh these days.
A Valentine's Day questionnaire has been making the rounds, and I've gotten a kick out of the answers supplied by friends and acquaintances. The best one I'd seen as of this writing was from Jason Nichols, the former mayor. But I'll share my responses, in the hopes that on this Valentine's Day weekend, you'll be inspired.
1. How did you two meet? Granny's Attic. That was a bar in Tahlequah (later ruined by Sam Egan), not some room under the eaves with mothball-filled trunks and broken furniture.
2. First date: Chris didn't "date." He hung out at the frat house, the river, or any one of a number of bars that welcomed college kids.
3. How long together? 34 years, not counting that brief covert fling in 1981 when we were both dating someone else.
4. How long married? 33.5 years.
5. Age difference: 1 year, 2 months. Right now, he gets a lot of satisfaction by reminding me that he's only 59, whereas I'm 60.
6. Who was interested first? Probably him, since he tried to pick me up at Granny's.
7. Who is taller? Him. He's shrinking, though.
8. Who said I love you first? He claims he did because "men use that as a tool." (See later references to tools.)
9. Most impatient: Him, especially when the purchase of tools is involved ("when did you say the credit card rolled over?").
10. Most sensitive: Me, except for movies. (I'm not the one who says, "Get over it.")
11. Loudest: Him (if having enjoyed a couple of cocktails or angry at someone, in person or on TV, and either way, it's always the same two words, repeated in a mantra; the second is "you" and the first starts with "f." When we were in college, he'd add "man" after "you," but now he's too lazy.)
12. Most stubborn: Him. I'm not sure how he's managed to keep that nose on his face, after spiting it so often.
13. Falls asleep first: Him, thanks to the Army, and snores immediately.
14. Cooks better: It's a team effort (he is the grill master and sous-chef; I'm the baker).
15. Better morning person: Him - again, thanks to the Army. I'd sleep to 9 a.m. if I could.
16. Better driver: Him, only because I refuse to drive.
17. Most competitive: Me although he's a worse sport. ("A droid don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees have been known to do that." )
18. Funniest: Read my column, and be the judge.
19. Where do you eat out most? Locally, Mexican; elsewhere, places we can't afford, usually French.
20. Who is more social? Me, but we both increasingly dislike people.
21. Who is the neat freak? We're both slobs, though he cleans more.
22. Do you get flowers often? Yes, because he likes thinking other women are envious of his thoughtfulness.
23. Where was your first kiss? At the Sigma Tau Gamma fraternity house. Don't ask.
24. How long did it take to get serious? We were friends for 5 years, and then...
25. Who plans date night? Usually me, with his approval. A fancy dinner and a roller coaster, not necessarily in that order.
26. Who picks where you go to eat? I choose, he objects, then I choose until he approves.
27. First one to admit when they're wrong? Me. As far as I know, he never has.
28. Who wears the pants? We each have one leg in the pants, which means we fall over a lot.
29. Who cries more? Me, except when watching movies. He's a sucker for those, and refuses to watch a second time if everybody dies. (He left the room and never saw the end of "Dances With Wolves," screaming, "They're going to murder all those people!")
30. Who has more tattoos? We have none, nor will we at our age. The artist would need a fleshing beam for that crepey skin.
31. Who sings better? I'm pretty bad, but he sounds like a dying mule, uttering its last agonized brays. The only human I've heard sing worse was my first priest (crosses self and asks forgiveness).
32. Hogs the remote? Him. Because apparently, you can never watch "The Fifth Element" or Jack Reacher movies too much.
33. Spends the most? Me on travel, him on tools. But since he enjoys travel and I don't give a hoot about the tools, I'd say he does.
34. Did you go to the same school? Yes, NSU. But before that, he was at OSU and I was at OU. Thus, it's a house divided, but our son went to OU. Boomer Sooner!
35. Where is the furthest you two have traveled? Greece!
36. Who drives when together? Even if I wanted to, he wouldn't let me. Anyway, I can't stand his screaming; it makes me nervous.
Happy Valentine's Day!